感觉上，雪做什么都很难
找工作 - 难
感情 - 难
怀孕 - 难
交朋友 - 难
快乐 - 难
幸福 - 难

老公说我对自己太苛刻了
新的环境，新的生活需要时间来适应
他说我已经尽力了，他和他家人看到我的努力

今天，有个朋友告诉我她怀孕了
一方面为她高兴，另一方面心里苦苦的

好累。。。真的很累
或许是生病那么久还没好，加上生活那么多难题
所以觉得很低落吧！
希望一觉醒来我会好点。

Kuih Bangkit

I have been researching Kueh Bangkit recipes for a while as Chinese New Year is in 2 weeks and I would like to do some baking.
Finally I settled on one from the Little Corner of Mine with some modification.

My adapted Kuih Bangkit Recipe:

Ingredients:

-200g tapioca flour/tapioca starch and about 4 pandan leaves
-20g. butter, melted
-1 egg yolk (from large egg)
- 140g icing sugar
-120ml thick coconut milk (or coconut cream)

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 165 degrees celcius,fry the tapioca flour with some pandan leaves and set to cool

Microwave extra tapioca flour for standby (to flour the surface) and kneading purposes.

2. Sift tapioca flour and icing sugar in a big bowl. Add melted butter, yolk & coconut milk. Knead until the dough is pliable. (If the dough is wet or soft, add more tapioca flour, 1 Tbp. at a time and knead until it becomes a harder dough. Likewise, if it's too dry, add more coconut milk).

3. Roll out the dough on lightly floured surface to about 3mm thickness. Cut into shapes with a cookie cutter (Or you can use the kuih bangkit mould (this required longer baked time). Arrange on lined baking tray and bake at 165degrees celcius for 15 minutes. It will puff when baked.

For step-by-step pictures guide, click here.

* TIPS*
----------
1. Just make sure the dough is not too wet, if not it can't hold the shape. How to know is when you rolled it out and cut it with a cookie cutter and placed it on the baking tray, the shape disappeared before your eyes. If this happen, add a little more tapioca flour and knead it again. (microwave extra tapioca flour for backup and kneading purposes) But if the shape hold, you are fine to go.

2. Also, give your kuih bangkit a taste test after 15 minutes and cool off a bit, if it still tasted like not fully dried out in the middle, put it back in the oven and bake it some more until it's completely dried, crispy and melt-in-your-mouth (can be as long as 30 mins). Baking time depended on the thickness of the kuih bangkit, so don't follow blindly by the stated time. For example, after 15 mins, you taste and middle not dry out yet, pop it back for another 5 mins, take it out and do a test taste after it's cool a bit, if still not, in the oven it goes for another 5 mins, until when you tasted the kuih bangkit, it's completely dried in the middle, whole thing crispy and melt-in-your-mouth. I have baked my thicker one for as long as 30 mins before and no harm done.

闷在家里很多天了，因为感冒两个星期还没好
昨晚睡觉前提醒自己，不管怎样，明天一定要出外走走
早上看到阳光照进我的房间，非常开心
准备起床，刷牙，洗头
让阳光把头发自然烘干，不喜欢用吹风桶的我，在这里要常用，现在的头发干到像稻草
望出窗外，又是白茫茫的一片原来又下雪了
难怪那么冷
别想出门了

星期一回医院复诊
搭巴士到市区4.80英镑，再转车3英镑到医院
3英镑是个day pass，一张车票去哪里都行，只限市区路
雪就随便上车，到处去，到处看
很多旧建筑物，很多咖啡厅和商店
天气冷，又不知道要去那里，有点闷
下次做了research再到处去

这里的老人家很独立
很多退休人士还是每个星期回去上班
家翁的朋友很多都是老师，教授，70多岁了
每个星期还回学校教几天课
家翁很有学问，也看很多实事消息
跟他聊天有点压力
问我对climate change,iraq war 的看法
认为新加拨开赌场有什么利益与社会冲突，会造成什么冲突
还要跟我这个半桶水也不到的学书法！！

在巴士上看到的老人家年级在50-80之间都会自己出门
跟朋友见面，喝茶聊天，自己购物等
家婆72岁，出门会担心身体不能负担，毕竟他曾经有lung cancer,lung bypass现在还有呼吸困难，糖尿病等，每天窝在家里看电视，一个星期去超市购物，这就是他的生活。我快变成他们了

不知不觉，来这里快半年了
时间飞逝
觉得自己在浪费时间，浪费空气
在这里看医生的次数增加了
眼睛发炎，看了两次医生
感冒好了又来，看医生N次
还有，又晕倒了
说到这个，真的....不知道怎么说
晕倒，头晕，在新国常发生
那里的医生说血压低，给补血药，止晕药
要不然就是抽血验blood count,blood plalet
这里的医生因为我晕,胸口痛，呼吸困难
帮我验血发现我的iron level超低，所以现在每天吃三次iron tablets
饮食也要注意,不能减肥，少喝酒（我已经没什么喝了）
经常看医生，还好看医生，验血等不用钱，只要付药钱
我的iron tablets有三盒，吃一个月，这样只要付4英镑
糊涂的我,set alarm提醒要吃药,照三餐提醒我

Communication is the key to a good relationship.
However,sometimes it is hard for me to share my feelings with hubby as he doesn't seems to understand how I feel.
For the last few months,I kept something from him,worried that it might anger him and make him upset with me. Finally, after keeping it all bottled up,the stress was getting to me and I spilled out to hubby yesterday.
Amazingly, he did not get angry with me,was quite understanding and I was so relieved.

雪景虽然很美丽
但是太多也造成生活上的不便
从圣诞节前，雪下了又停，这个星期，每天都下一两个小时的雪
路上都是雪，走路，驾车要很小心
天气更加冷，如果路上的雪太厚就没有公共巴士
本来想去市区的邮政局，怕可能要搭巴士去却要走路回来
我家离市区不是很近
很多学校也关闭
看着新闻，路上的车也少了很多
气象台还说这会连续大概一个星期
老公不在身边，雪每天晚上睡觉要开2个暖气，穿睡衣加浴袍加手套加褂子加两个热水壶保暖

考虑了很久
觉得真得不能负担女佣了
但是他跟了我那么多年
跟我的孩子又那么亲
真的很不舍的
尤其现在要知道孩子的消息也是透过他
但是没有收入，常常要烦恼，到处找钱付工钱，付levy也不是办法
没有他，孩子没人照顾，
烦。真得很烦

孩子跟前夫一起住
前夫下班后就是在电脑前打网上游戏
家里没有大人，怕小孩子会学坏
交友不慎，误入歧途
怕没人准备食物给他们吃
怕他们生病没人照顾
更加没人督促他们的功课